UNITED KINGDOM OF NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT

I expected that trying to plan my first trip to a faraway land would be hard.

You have no idea how much of an understatement that is.

It all started off well and easy, finding out where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, my next destination and how to travel from place to place.

Christmas in London sounds magical right? Like how the public transport in London magically disappears on Christmas AND Boxing Day.

This obviously proves how dumb I am at this because apparently it is a well-known fact that London is practically a quarantine zone during this festive season of Santa Claus.

Trella Goh has never been on a self-planned trip alone with her friends before. The closest to that was being in a pre-planned trip to Germany with fellow then-18-year-olds with chaperones and meeting points every hour. I had no idea what to do except depend on Tripadvisor and idk what else I depended on because I ended up planning a trip where I booked hotels before realising that there was no transport to said hotel BECAUSE CHRISTMAS MADE PUBLIC TRANSPORT DISAPPEAR (except for National Express which is ridiculously expensive on Boxing Day with only one or two services that would leave you crying with a ginormous price tag of x2 and x3 of a normal trip time wasted).

I ended up cancelling my hotel at York and am going to spend a ridiculously cold and quiet day on Christmas... I am obviously a noob at planning a trip.

However, Christmas in London is not ALL that bad. If you're already on a budget, you won't be planning to take the tube much and neither will you be dining out frequently so it doesn't really matter if public transport and diners are shut down (save for a few restaurants that will leave your wallet £50-70 pounds emptier on average). Christmas Day is the only time of the year where you get to see London in its serene beauty without buses, taxis and humans sprawling across the streets. 

There a few guides on Tripadvisor on lovely things to do during Christmas Day, like taking a walk around a quiet London or hiking across scenic paths around London.

My plan now has been altered to London for 4 days and then Edinburgh for 4 days before heading to Paris for New Year's Eve and then leaving for school in Spain on 3rd January!

Now that most of my plans are settled, I really hope they run smoothly and that there no more hiccups! *fingers crossed*

For now, before I embark on a 6-month long journey, let me get back to being a sociology major and get rid of my readings before class at 12pm tomorrow!

Exchange

All my life, I only ever wanted to be free. Free to make the choices I want to make, free to pursue the dreams I want to pursue, free from everything that has ever prevented me from making my own decisions.

Ever since a long time ago, I was looking forward to my turn to go for my exchange programme. I was so sure I would make it. It was my chance. My only chance. Finally, I could explore the world on my own, learn things I never managed to learn as an overprotected child. I could finally be free. 6 whole months. It's gone. Once I graduate, I won't have the luxury of being able to travel for such a long period and after I find a job, I won't be able to get such a long break. I've never been able to travel with my friends, not even for a day trip to anywhere. This was supposed to be my big break. My first trip overseas on my own, learning how to survive and navigate and not starve and just being able to be a big girl for once.

I guess I was complacent? I always said studies meant nothing to me, which is still true to a certain extent - but now it has taken away what I've always looked forward to. Maybe a better word to describe me is ignorant... or plain idiotic.

It would have been amazing if Darren, CR and I got to spend half a year in Europe together. We would have gone busking on the streets and found ourselves wandering like lost kids in random alleys because we have no sense of direction and it would have been wonderful. I guess I can't help feeling shitty because practically everyone else I know about got their exchange choices together with their friends slash significant others and I really wanted to be as lucky. Okay fine, maybe they weren't lucky. Maybe they worked for it. They worked to secure their spots and I didn't.

I really have no one to blame but myself.

Meow

Okay, so I'd like to first defend myself by letting you know why I'm on Blogger now.

Wordpress is awesome but it also sucks because you can't customize anything unless you pay for it and yeah, I'm not going to because I have a mouth to feed. This brings me to the happiest news I might ever find myself sharing - ever:

I am officially a proud cat owner!       ｡＾･ｪ･＾｡ 

Uhm okay fine maybe I'm just half an owner because sadly, pets are not allowed in my home as my parents are deathly afraid of cats and dogs (so I am extremely deprived of the (furry) company I crave) and the kitten is living in my boyfriend's house.

One fine day two weeks ago, he decided to rescue two kittens from a drain near my workplace and we managed to get one out so far. (There is still a poor kitten inside the drain refusing to appear or let us near it, but we are still going back often to try to get her out so we can reunite our kitten with his sibling).

On the day when it was agreed upon that we would save the kittens, I went through an emotional breakdown. I was so happy that I cried but then after that it still took five days to get just one kitten out and during those five days there was more crying and spluttering. Has anyone watched the eHarmony video featuring the Girl-who-loves-cats-so-damn-much? Well, if you haven't, here it is for your reference:

You should know that this video is fake and the lady is just acting but... damn, I had an episode like that Sunday night when I was imagining finally holding the kittens in my arms and watching them play and I cried myself to sleep because I remembered they were stuck in a drain and were in constant danger of drowning.

To prevent myself from rattling on and on about my pre-catownership breakdown, here is a picture of the beautiful kitten!

Isn't he adorable? I have his pictures on my Instagram feed which is on the top of this page and I'm actually thinking of creating an Instagram profile for him too just because I have too many photos and videos that are not getting posted.

In this past week, I have learned so much more about looking after cats. I have been setting aside a portion of my salary for pet supplies and emergency medical bills and wow, it is NOT cheap to care for a growing kitten. He's about nine weeks old now and... we haven't named him. We want to name him after we get his sister so hopefully that will be soon because she's injured.

What I can hope for now is just for both kittens to stay safe and healthy while I try to figure out how to get the other kitty out. Fingers crossed! 

Anyway, cats aside... I guess a hot topic now would be:

⚽ Brazil VS Germany ⚽

For those of you who watched the match, I think you'd agree that it was almost unbearable to look at, regardless of the country you are supporting. I'm not much of a soccer fan although I do find myself enjoying the occasional moment where I get to show my violent side, but wow, it was so painful. I love Germany, but I was supporting Brazil in the World Cup and then in the first half they got trashed so bad and I was like really and then it was like they forgot that they were professional players and... yeah. 

7-1 guys, 7-1. Sighpie.

Besides staying up late watching soccer matches and playing League of Legends, I have been extremely busy with concert preparations. I'll be singing two songs in the concert so do come and watch. Here is a little teaser for you:

Tickets can be purchased online with VISA or Mastercard and if you'd rather pay by cash let me know personally so I can purchase it for you. Buy them here:

http://leantix.com/event?id=3&s=128

It'll be an awesome show. 

Haha anyway, my mum has been away for the past week. It is so weird because this is the first time she has ever been away from us (I know right) and it's like... weird.

Tonight I'll be going for practice again so I guess imma play a few games and entertain the kitten for awhile before I head out. Toodles!

With love,

Trella 

What?

I know what you’re thinking, didn’t I just create a new blog?

YES, I did. But no, this isn’t what you’re thinking. I’m not abandoning my Tumblr. I just found it hard to organize my text posts and non-text posts so I decided to create a more text-friendly page to make life a little easier for me.

I will not be transferring my text posts from there because I like to keep my thoughts in context. If you’re curious, you can hop on over to my Tumblr page over Personal. I will still be updating there regularly, but only with pictures or places I want to go or just shorter, less-wordy posts!

So, while I’m on this grand journey of shifting, I have pretty exciting news! Starting from this week onwards, I will be singing regularly at  Starker Fresh Beer @ Holland Village on Fridays and Saturdays from 8.30pm to 11.30pm! My band will also be playing this coming Wednesday (30th April 2014) to celebrate the eve of Labour Day!

You might be wondering why I only took this up now. Well, I’ve always wanted to do this, actually. I love singing and this is a great way to constantly practice and grow but have fun at the same time. However, I’ve always been self-conscious about it. I’m a really really awkward person in real life and I’m awful at talking to crowds. It’s really bad. I just can’t seem to do it. It’s like my brain and throat freezes up and I’m just like, “NO way. No chance.” I just… can’t talk to people.

 

I took years to get over my stage fright. The first time I sang in front of a crowd, I cried. I had my back turned away from the audience AND I was protected by a whiteboard. That wasn’t enough though. I had to plug in my earbuds just so I could shut them out. So, I kind of forced myself to face my fear by going for competitions – once when I was 15 and another when I was 17. Meh, didn’t work. Still as awkward as ever.

 

So, I spent my singing life hiding until I got to university. Somehow, I just went COME ON MAN YOU CAN DO THIS. I auditioned for Voix, my university’s only A Cappella group and I remember shaking so bad during the auditions. My friends and seniors still tease me about it. Being in the club really helped me be more confident about myself and I learned to be able to sing comfortably in front of other people (albeit with people singing alongside me). I also formed a band with my friends and we experimented with both full band and acoustic settings. Eventually we all developed and decided to pursue our own direction but we had a whole lot of fun performing for various school events.

The environment pushed me further and I decided to join a national reality singing competition, The Final 1, and somehow, I made it through the auditions. This was a huge turning point for me though. While it was really an experience taking part in photoshoots and being on television, it beat me down terribly. I became self-conscious in every way possible. Physically, mentally and socially. I took it really hard. I wasn’t capable enough, I wasn’t good enough. I’ve never really been good at anything, all I could do was sing… but even then, I was not good enough for anyone. I had no drive, nothing. I didn’t bother trying to get votes because I didn’t want people to waste their money on me. The others were so popular and really nice and most were also already well-known, I didn’t stand a chance. I gave up without a fight and it made things worse because then (even if it were done purely for the sake of entertainment) I got mocked by a local YouTuber who, of all things, made fun of my name.  He’s popular now and I wouldn’t want to cause a stir… but really, my name?

It didn’t help that I was on the first voting episode – no one knew how to vote and no one knew who we were. There was only ONE episode prior to that and not everyone was featured. What made things even worse was that I was the first to get voted out and everyone assumed I got the lowest votes (and hence was the most incapable). Of course, that happened before they decided to clarify that the elimination was not done in order of credit.

 I really hated myself and I was set on giving up on singing. I hated myself for being incapable and worse, for disappointing my friends. I was disgusted for ever thinking I was good or worthy enough to join a competition. What was I thinking? I never really told anyone how affected I was during that point of time. I turned down all gigs and all requests saying that “I needed a break”. Only my boyfriend and maybe one or two of my close friends knew. The competition happened around March to May last year (at least for me haha) and I felt horrible all the way till end 2013. I decided to take a break from Voix as well because I wanted to stop singing and not waste time on something I’m terrible at. That didn’t work out too well either because some issues arose and let’s just say it didn’t get settled.

 

So, going back to why I only decided to take up a gig now, yeah. I guess you can kind of tell. It took a long while for me to get back to where I was – no, to climb even higher than where I used to be. I’m much more comfortable now with who I am and I’m better able to accept myself. It was a tough climb.

I guess what I’m also trying to say is that, it really is important to love yourself. I’m not in the zone where I’d go into “Trella is in a relationship with herself” mode but neither do I see myself as unworthy and incapable anymore. You’re not unworthy just because someone cannot see you for who you are and who you can be.

You’re not unworthy because others don’t get to place a value on you. Another lesson learnt is to not let one occasion tear down something you’ve been building for years, especially your dreams. Do not let anyone or anything destroy your dreams. God knows how much you’ll regret it once you do. Opportunities lost are hard to come by again. I was just lucky that my opportunity was patient enough to wait for me to do some (really intense) soul-searching.

I hope this will help someone in some way. To the someone who is lost and in a situation somewhat like mine, I hope you find your way.

Cheers and goodnight ☺