Exchange

All my life, I only ever wanted to be free. Free to make the choices I want to make, free to pursue the dreams I want to pursue, free from everything that has ever prevented me from making my own decisions.

Ever since a long time ago, I was looking forward to my turn to go for my exchange programme. I was so sure I would make it. It was my chance. My only chance. Finally, I could explore the world on my own, learn things I never managed to learn as an overprotected child. I could finally be free. 6 whole months. It's gone. Once I graduate, I won't have the luxury of being able to travel for such a long period and after I find a job, I won't be able to get such a long break. I've never been able to travel with my friends, not even for a day trip to anywhere. This was supposed to be my big break. My first trip overseas on my own, learning how to survive and navigate and not starve and just being able to be a big girl for once.

I guess I was complacent? I always said studies meant nothing to me, which is still true to a certain extent - but now it has taken away what I've always looked forward to. Maybe a better word to describe me is ignorant... or plain idiotic.

It would have been amazing if Darren, CR and I got to spend half a year in Europe together. We would have gone busking on the streets and found ourselves wandering like lost kids in random alleys because we have no sense of direction and it would have been wonderful. I guess I can't help feeling shitty because practically everyone else I know about got their exchange choices together with their friends slash significant others and I really wanted to be as lucky. Okay fine, maybe they weren't lucky. Maybe they worked for it. They worked to secure their spots and I didn't.

I really have no one to blame but myself.